11 October 2013

Are you a slut?

Anyone who knows me knows that i'm an outspoken advocate for equality of the sexes. What's between your legs does not predetermine your role in society. However, i look at the issue from an objective viewpoint rather than the commonly accepted "victimised woman" view. That view, in my opinion, reinforces the painfully misguided idea that women are inferior.

Hormones do of course influence one's behavior and that may indeed result in a separation to some degree but the large distinction between the sexes in our society is cultural, not hormonal. People are far more similar than our culture lets on. From birth we are conditioned to build up our gender identity. As people grow up they tend to favour the familiarity of a polarised gender. A comfort zone is created which often causes gender specific aspirations, this solidifies the false idea that the sexes naturally separate when that separation is actually due to nurturing.

However, this post is about the differences between the sexes rather than the similarities. Men will never truly understand the ordeal of menstruation and mood swings and of course childbearing. We need to be as understanding and supportive as possible in that regard. What isn't often discussed is that men are slaves to hormones too. This topic is generally taboo because it's emasculating to infer that a man isn't in control of his urges. It's true though, we can control ourselves, but we generally don't and we use reverse rationalisation to convince ourselves that our decisions are our own and not influenced by hormones.

I am of course referring to the male sex drive. Some men control it through masterbation, some men control it through suppression, some are attractive enough to not have to exercise much control and some just have no control whatsoever. The reality is that testosterone is a major decision influencer in men, and women will never truly understand that. It's not as bad as i'm making it sound, it's certainly not the ordeal that women have to endure but it's also not something that should be swept under the rug.

Now let's get to the topic of sluts. Women generally hate them and men generally love them for reasons explained above. I'm going to drop a bomb right now and say that i'm with woman on this one, i hate sluts. Before you tear me apart, let me define what "slut" means to me. Firstly a slut is not someone who has a lot of sex, as far as i'm concerned you get very promiscuous women who are not sluts and you get virgins who are. For me the word slut refers to one's attitude towards sex appeal rather than one's attitude towards sex itself.

A slut is a woman who aspires to nothing more than maximising her sex appeal and using it to her advantage. A woman who has a healthy sex life but is also a passionate writer or artist or neurologist or activist is a self assured human being who is living her life her own way, that is not a slut. A woman who manipulates men with provocative behavior then cries "sexual harassment" when she gets a reaction, is a slut. Worse than a promiscuous slut is one that doesn't put out because she doesn't even have the decency to give her prey the bait.

The men being manipulated are equally to blame, shame on us for consistently falling victim to it. Being on that side of the fence i tend to be biased but on a rational level i know that we need to overcome our instinctive behaviour and not fall prey to it. Falling for it isn't necessarily about the obvious mistakes like flirting et al. The real problem is that we are subconsciously seduced, which influences our behaviour subtly for extended periods. We do this without even realising it, and that's the real crime.

The root of the problem is the separation of the sexes, giving girls and boys different toys and decorating their rooms with different colour palettes is telling them that the other sex is foreign to them. That inevitably creates people who cannot empathise with the opposite sex and will eventually try to take advantage of them. We need to accept the fact that we have more commonalities than differences and stop perpetuating gender roles in our society.

The narrower one's perspective on the world the greater their need for gender identity.

GoldieBlox: the right toy for girls